ans99

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Suddenly, I found myself without you
One day, someday, you will be alone, too
For now, I see you walking down the street with him
And I will smell your breath on every gust of wind
Why do you do it to me?

The last time I went shopping
I bought your favorite kind of ice cream
It's still sitting in the freezer
It's screaming, "You still need her."
Why do you kiss so softly?

I love to watch you on the stage
You sing about love; you sing about rage
But your song is fading so fast
You didn't write this kiss to last
Why do you do it to me?

I can't help but notice the way you kiss her
It's so much like the way that you sing
You couldn't be any prouder
When you kiss me, kiss a little louder
Why do you kiss so softly?

we bought a new camcorder today to replace our dead optura 50!

well, technically it's used off ebay, so hopefully it will show up with all its parts attached. it's a panasonic gs-400, one of the better prosumer camcorders out there for our price range. it was actually kind of funny (and depressing)-- the original buy it now! price was 900 dollars, but we made a counterbid of 800 dollars, which was automatically accepted. so i guess that means that we could have probably gone lower... argh. everything is so expensive in the tech world, even used tech.

yeah, so expect to have a sorta kickass camcorder shoved in your face next time we meet.

in other news, we had two movie nights with friends in a row. last night we watched tokyo zombie and repo! the genetic opera with mario. leave it to mario to pick the weirdest titles (although i'm not blaming him for repo!, since that was technically my idea). i'm not sure which movie was odder, to be honest, although i will say that anthony stewart head (now and forever known as "tony head" for some reason on whedonesque) was the hottest thing ever in that movie, and his harmonizations with sarah brightman made me glad to be alive. thank you, darren whateveryourlastnamewas, director of saw 3 and 4, for making that special moment happen.

he also bought us ice cream as a belated birthday thing. that is, mario did, not darren wossisname.

tonight we watched happy-go-lucky with anna and anthony, and i was pretty similarly perplexed. i think we all were, honestly? the movie didn't seem to have a plot, and the main character was pretty much a carbon copy of pre-doctor donna noble except her job actually helped people. anna was annoyed with her within about five seconds flat it seemed. but we stuck with it, and we were rewarded with... meh, a non-ending for all intents and purposes. it was still entertaining and i liked the characters quite a bit.

after that we hung around a little while longer and ended up snarking and making up dialogue for a few dollars more, which is just... why did nobody tell me clint eastwood used to be that hot???

also, earlier today we stopped by central park (not the one in nyc, confused non-local readers) for some sort of hula hooping party that was going on. just tons of homemade hoops all over the green, and hippies (who owned the hoops, i'd suppose) wandering around showing people tricks. i've almost learned how to guide the hoop up above my head and back down, and how to shoulder hoop just by watching others get instructed. tomorrow we might go to ace and get the materials to build our own. i am far too excited about this, i know, but hoop dancing just looks so cool. for reference:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juBHmLVYwD0 (lol, the first thing mario said to this was "she should get better taste in music" but i think he was mainly just jealous)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQRkWvMa_Zg (the girl i would marry in a heartbeat)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdm3LJxLxTM (hokay, that's some contortion work too, but still)

tomorrow ken and i are also going to the sspca, and who knows what we'll return with..... ?

finally, still taking feedback on my fauxpro website with drawings and photos mentioned in my previous post... http://ansate.moosheep.org/hieroglyphs/

things i'd particularly love feedback on:
-the directory name (i have been agonizing over this*)
-the functionality (can you find everything ok?)
-the art (do you think it's salable? is it ok to put up sketches of other people's photographs these days? and should the collection that's already up be refined more? i'm looking at you for this one alan)
-the bio (do you think it's too long and whiny?)

*you don't know how tempted i was to call the directory "buysomethinwillya"

part two of my hot chickstravaganza! for part one see here.

( hotter and hotter )

so tonight we rewatched the easter doctor who special (planet of the dead) with mario, and watching it a second time, yes, really brought out all the flaws. god the writing was horrific. that's all i'm going to say about it though, because i know that some people actually care about doctor who spoilers still.

then we watched saw V, and i have to say it's probably the worst one with the best scene.

( cut for pansies )

that's the only good thing i really have to say about saw V. they didn't even have a crappy music video in the special features. :( what's with that?

green bean is even better than red bean.

yoinked from notemily:

These are the rules, which I've just made up:

1. Go to your last.fm page.
2. Go to your Charts page and select "Tracks" and "Last 12 Months."
3. Take your top 12 songs. (or 15, or whatever number you like; I picked 12 because 12 months = 12 songs.)
4. OPTIONAL: If there is more than one track by the same artist on your list, pick only one, and replace the others with songs from further down the list. Repeat until you have 12 unique songs.
5. Post your 2008 mix!

6. i've added links to either full tracks or youtube vids with the full tracks/live versions.


1. Regina Spektor – Fidelity

this really is embarrassing. because this is the song that introduced me to regina spektor, and led me to believe that she couldn't sing. of course then i heard "us" and that opinion was almost instantly changed. so it's kind of fucking hilarious this was the most played song on my computer last year. sorry regina. i love you NOW.

2. Sarah Blasko – The Garden's End

i got into sarah blasko either early 2008 or late 2007, and i can't stop listening to her. i will tell anyone who will listen that she is the female thom yorke. this song in particular is challenging to sing, so i probably put it on a bunch to practice? oh, and the video is really 2 and a half songs live, so the song in question is somewhere in the middle.

3. Fisher – too late (odyssey version)

i don't much go for fisher anymore, but this song is just exquisitely pretty. i keep meaning to make a doctor who vid to it. she did this version specifically for some dudes book, and the site makes you register, but i can guarantee it won't kill you and it's worth the download.

4. Damien Rice – Rootless Tree

gelosia sent me this. i'm glad she did because this is one of the most beautiful songs i've ever, ever, ever heard in my life. god i love repetitive swearing, and apparently, so does damien rice.

5. Nine Inch Nails – only (aborted mix)

lol. i made this, with ken, for a radio contest we had no chance in hell of winning.

6. Frou Frou – Hear Me Out

what this list is really turning into is the list of songs i'll actually tolerate running through without going to the effort of changing tracks. all i can tell you about this song is that i remember i had it stuck in my head two years ago.

7. Radiohead – Last Flowers

this is nominated for my favorite radiohead song. i remember back long ago when we all speculated what this song sounded like, and how there were some fake mp3s circulating. it was well worth the wait. if you're going to click on one song have it be this one.

8. Muse – Time Is Running Out

there were a bunch of muse songs in here. i really love this one the most consistently out of all of them though. and it's like the regina spektor thing, an embarrassing spectacle where this was the song that both acquainted me with muse and made me think it was asstarded, and now i love it and them to pieces. matt bellamy's exaggerated gasping is still bizarre enough to be made fun of every time i hear it, however.

9. Portishead – It's a Fire

this is a very old favorite. i think i've had this song in circulation as long as i've had livejournal.

10. Tori Amos – Digital Ghost

i don't know if you could tell but i listen to a lot of tori amos. i find myself to be a really bizarre type of fan, in that i came into her music during the boys for pele era, stuck with her through everything and learned to love each album, and find myself especially hooked on her newer stuff. i might be one of the few "old fans" in existence to actually enjoy the beekeeper, but i do. that and american doll posse, which this track is off of, have kept me happy for the past year and i've since neglected that original trilogy of albums that had me hooked. fandom is odd sometimes.

11. Depeche Mode – Suffer Well (Single Version)

oh. um. heh. well, this came off of a fanmix for the master, actually, that i got off someone's lj. it's... i like depeche mode, don't get me wrong, but a lot of their stuff is really over-the-top cliche angst, all polish and precision but some strange greasy polish that you can't get off your hands for days afterwards, and keeps appearing in random places for even longer than that. i can't even listen to their stuff before violator because the songwriting is so hideously embarrassing.

but one thing i've always liked about depeche mode is their painful honesty. this is one of their newer singles, but it reminds me a little of their old stuff. i remember the first time i heard it i thought it started out a little stilted, with all the rhyming. then it hit the chorus, with the wailing "i just hang ooonnnnnnnn," and i totally got it. it's hard to hate a song with such naked emotion in the lyrics.

oh jesus, i've managed to find a tron fanvid to this song. enjoy!

12. Fiona Apple – Oh Well

i really like to sing along to this one, especially the line "what you did to me made me see myself something awful." if you hear it you'll know what i mean.


--

of course as soon as i finish this my charts change. dumb last.fm.

i've been thinking lately that i should start writing about people and heartbreaks and surreal experiences in my life in an attempt to get everything out in the open with myself. drag out the entrails, or scatter the pieces and look for some sort of pattern, perhaps. revisit those moments where i'd stop in the middle and think, "nobody should have to deal with this, not ever." tally up all the crazy blessings in my life that i've taken for granted, forgotten about. missed connections. crossed wires. embarrassing blunders.

it started with me thinking it was time to tell the story of henk once and for all. it's just gotten to ridiculous mythic proportions on both sides, and i just feel like it's time to stop being coy and start providing some details. the whole situation was incredibly lame but it really changed me-- mainly for the worse but also quite a bit for the better. i still can't really figure out the equations employed in making the decisions either of us did, but i know that i can finally be proud of myself for getting through it without delving to the lows that certain others did. the lows i'm not so proud of? i can forgive myself for being an idiot, because when it comes down to it i was the one being severely challenged. it was a test of everything i stood for and believed in, and i was too young and idealistic to have proper perspective. now i do, and they're still assholes. so yeah, i can forgive myself for how i acted.

wow, this is pretty horrible. i said i'd stop with the vagueness but i'm still just not ready i guess.

moving on. the other night i was having one of those "can't sleep, bed partner is strangely uncomfortable" moments and so naturally i started thinking about tedd's chest. i've often described it as a post-thanksgiving dinner turkey. i still don't know why i stayed, and exactly how i left. i suppose in some ways i was desperate for some sort of relationship. but in a way i think i didn't really give it a chance because of the desperation. i wanted to move it too fast. i didn't listen to him, to who he was. once i realized that, it was too late. i couldn't deal with that either, so i cut ties completely.

and then i starting thinking about yoss, ah yes, yoss. another "relationship" i simply cannot explain even now. i miss him so much. i can't think of new york without thinking of him dragging me around showing me all the best things. even regina spektor frequented the sidewalk cafe (albeit after my time), so i simply can't escape. i wish i'd never upped the ante with him, but it was just so painful and confusing that i don't think i could have survived in that state for very long.

and then there's phillippe. and pat. and that guy i hit with the broom. and julie's friend who burned me dido cds. and my white knight. and the guy who impressed me by sharing his entire c drive on the umass network. and will. you know, there are people i dated in college i can barely remember. i was so lost for so long. i need to start remembering.

tonight i was thinking about something i talked over with a close friend a few days ago. he's been all but completely abandoned emotionally by his old friends, and i'm supposed to be a reason for that. when i think of these people though, going throughout their lives with nary a mention of him or even a nod his way... shutting him out of weddings, and visits, and even friendly communication... it just makes me wonder how people like that can justify their actions to themselves. this person that they were friends with for years-- how can they callously just cut him out of their lives and never look back?

of course then i realize i used to do just that. sometimes still do, depending on the offense. but i'm not sure i would ever do it for their reasons.

**

i'm half-watching the omen something-or-other as i'm writing all this. our little would-be antichrist is pretty cute. mainly because he's all angsty and tortured over being the antichrist. it's a little like the first episode of buffy the vampire slayer. only much hotter.

you know, the omen made me afraid of machinery for the longest time.