ans99

okay, here's something that's been bothering me a little.

you know, i've been trying lately to comment on your entries when i'm on that line of "should i say anything or should i just let it go?" sometimes i don't really have time to read your entries, or find them ... same old same old but if it is something important to you i feel an obligation, as someone who genuinely likes and cares about you, to read and if appropriate respond.

unfortunately this experiment has for the most part gone nowhere. it's to the point now where i am basically typing to a vacuum. at least that is the perspective from over here. so.

although some of you clamored for me to get back on lj i see little point in bothering to update here. if nobody reads it, what's the point, right? i might as well go back to the blog i was absolutely sure nobody would see, or go private only, and then i can write about the things that i censor here pretty much for the benefit of the handful of you i interact with.

you don't get to tell me, by the way, that it's something to do with shipping twitter, or writing too much, or not enough, or my posts being too short, or ugly, or long, or "intimidating." because you know what? your posts aren't exactly the new york times all the time either. because you know what? i ship them here so that you can read what i write other places. if that doesn't interest you, then ultimately i guess what i have to say doesn't either. because these are also things that i am saying. if you don't like the way i say things, or present myself, or think, then you probably don't like me either. so why keep pretending? even when i post art so few of you respond it makes me want to pick up a career as a grocery bagger and just give up on everything, because if that doesn't even move you... that's a piece of me.

besides, you give me enough qualifiers, i'm not going to hit upon the correct subject, or number of goddamn lines, or appearance of the posts, to entice you to be interested in what i have to say. it's pathetic, it's demeaning, it's not worth my time to keep trying to do so. if i were trying to sell you something it'd be a different story. i'm just trying to connect.

what i'm going to start doing i guess is reciprocating. and then we can all not read each other's posts and lj will implode due to self-induced irrelevance.

i have to say there is no blame here, no guilt-tripping. i go weeks without saying a word to anyone sometimes. but i'm noticing a trend. and i will happily do less work if the work doesn't even... produce any results.

none of you should feel obligated to be my friend, or even be friendly, to me, obviously. but i suppose if you don't, then you don't, and if you won't, then you won't, and i will consider you gone.*

*thanks ben folds

http://news.livejournal.com/117957.html

awesome.

i saw a lot of boxes on entries yesterday so please make sure you weren't affected by this.