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Nov. 10th, 2010 07:21 pmI don't think I'm ever going to find an RPG where I feel like I belong. It seems like whenever I think I've finally done so I find out that people have been complaining about me. And the way I find that out? The very first, initial way? Is that I get a warning-- or in this case, a strike!-- from the mods. So awesome that I can't be asked about my intentions before it's just assumed I meant to be a total asshole who needs to be punished.
Part of it I think is just who I tend to play at these games. I look at other people who play the Master and wonder, even if they're having a good time, just how happy they really are underneath. Even if people are threading with them and things are going smoothly IC and look like tons of fun, who knows how many secret complaints they're getting from people who should really man up and come forward first and give the player a damn chance before throwing them to the wolves. Who knows how many strikes or warnings they've gotten. He is an incredibly hard character to play in any game, because he tends toward things that most people find abhorrent. He has no moral compass. People hate that.
I'm a writer, so I know how to throw away my moral compass when necessary. But I'm not an idiot (not in that way, at least), and it's not like I don't have one when it comes to others. To be accused of plotting marital rape, and then of threading abuse, when that was not my intent-- and then, after bringing that point up, to be told that yes, it was my intent and what I was doing-- is a total slap in the face. It makes me realize how many people actually LOOK at what I've done and judge it based on that alone, and how many people bring all their random preconceptions about me to the table first.
I expected better from the mods, at least. I always do. I don't know why I bother anymore, though.
I'd also like to know, really: since when is a strict, controlling single father with PTSD, 'abuse' that needs to have warnings? When there is no hint of violence or incest? And please don't tell me that her desire to please him, her remaining at home to take care of him with his psychological condition, or his kissing the top of her head is indicative absolutely of either of those things. You guys would make shitty profilers.
But anyway, it's not just about this. I wasn't fitting in there anyway. I can tell when people don't want to play with me. So guys, don't worry. The evil triggery asshole is leaving. I'll let you go back to your equally, if not more, questionable stuff that I would never just run to a mod about, because even though, yes, I've had a hard life and have suffered abuse?
At the end of the day I know it's just writing, and I can live and let live. Such a shame.
Part of it I think is just who I tend to play at these games. I look at other people who play the Master and wonder, even if they're having a good time, just how happy they really are underneath. Even if people are threading with them and things are going smoothly IC and look like tons of fun, who knows how many secret complaints they're getting from people who should really man up and come forward first and give the player a damn chance before throwing them to the wolves. Who knows how many strikes or warnings they've gotten. He is an incredibly hard character to play in any game, because he tends toward things that most people find abhorrent. He has no moral compass. People hate that.
I'm a writer, so I know how to throw away my moral compass when necessary. But I'm not an idiot (not in that way, at least), and it's not like I don't have one when it comes to others. To be accused of plotting marital rape, and then of threading abuse, when that was not my intent-- and then, after bringing that point up, to be told that yes, it was my intent and what I was doing-- is a total slap in the face. It makes me realize how many people actually LOOK at what I've done and judge it based on that alone, and how many people bring all their random preconceptions about me to the table first.
I expected better from the mods, at least. I always do. I don't know why I bother anymore, though.
I'd also like to know, really: since when is a strict, controlling single father with PTSD, 'abuse' that needs to have warnings? When there is no hint of violence or incest? And please don't tell me that her desire to please him, her remaining at home to take care of him with his psychological condition, or his kissing the top of her head is indicative absolutely of either of those things. You guys would make shitty profilers.
But anyway, it's not just about this. I wasn't fitting in there anyway. I can tell when people don't want to play with me. So guys, don't worry. The evil triggery asshole is leaving. I'll let you go back to your equally, if not more, questionable stuff that I would never just run to a mod about, because even though, yes, I've had a hard life and have suffered abuse?
At the end of the day I know it's just writing, and I can live and let live. Such a shame.
