ugh

[ans99]

I miss playing with people. I miss my games. I miss the CR I started and had to abandon. At the moment I just can't seem to drum up any interest from most of the people in my current game, and those that do tag seem so wary or inflexible and I'm so sick of trying to fit in and ingratiate myself. I envision another RP hiatus in my future pretty soon.

I wish I knew that magic formula that would let people trust me, and help me find the sort of players who actually want to plot and do interesting things. So many of the games I've tried to join just seem to want happy quirky tiems with their characters and most of the time I pick characters that just sort of... no. They're too intense, they want to hurt others, they don't socialize, they are rude. I even tried picking up a character once who wasn't quite as abrasive (though she was still a social retard, let's be honest) and I just got so bored trying to make nice. I want action and drama and life-altering shit, y'know? I can't do picnics and sex and parties on a regular basis. Like the Master, I kinda need meat.

It's gotten to the point that I really don't know what to do. I don't want to make a miserable time for anyone or make them get immediately on the defense, and I really hoped that this time around at least getting permissions out of the way right off the bat would help but I don't know. In my mind's eye I can see that fail comin' round the mountain when she comes and I just know it's only a matter of time before things go awry. As it is I already feel like my feeble attempts at CR have mostly gone nowhere, though I haven't even given the game a week. It's like I'm primed for failure now. I can't even muster up any optimism, and all I can do is try and know it's not enough.

I tried doing private rp, and it wasn't BAD but... I love panfandom. It's the way I was introduced to RP and I really ENJOY multicharacter plots and arcs, even if they inevitably seem to succumb to user error. Whether it be hiatus or miscommunication or some other dropping the ball.

But man, it's just really tough to feel like trouble already in your first week. And I do.

Maybe it was too soon to do this.

Comments

[mind-the-tardis.livejournal.com]

I felt like I was trouble within the first day of joining TLV. It seems to happen with anyone who plays a character for realism/psychological continuity, unless you're very careful—I know people who are very careful and get by, but they also play lawful characters. I do think that helps.

Sorry to hear that private doesn't work for you. Private's the only thing that does work for me. I'm not flexible enough to 'behave' for people I don't respect, and I find in comms, there's often a lot of emotional protection going on and backstage politicking, with the squeaky wheels getting the most attention. If I was getting paid to alter my style to create a tension-less environment, sure, I'd try. But it's a hobby, and I'm not. I can leave, and I do.

I think the only comm that would work would be very small, filled with players who had already developed mutual respect and who were very upfront about OOC communication. And even with that, there'd still need to be a lot of work put in to keep the trust and respect up.

Private's my refuge, RP-wise, but, really, I'm lucky. I've got one long-term partner that I was able to find and really click with, and that's not that common, I don't think. It doesn't work for everyone.

[kindascary.livejournal.com]

I've considered the idea of a private comm, which I guess is how roleplaying started in the first place with tabletop games, so it's not that weird. But I dunno, a) I'd have to get everyone together; b) Not everyone I like likes everyone else; c) maintaining the comm would have to fall to someone, and while that's not the toughest part it's still something to have to consider.

But I do wish I could scoop up all the people I've loved playing with and dump them into one game because that would be kind of epic.

[mind-the-tardis.livejournal.com]

But I do wish I could scoop up all the people I've loved playing with and dump them into one game because that would be kind of epic.

I wish I could do this all the time. But, like you say, it's tricky to get more than three or four people together and have them all be on a similar enough page that they really all want compatible things. Each new person you add adds a risk that it'll twist up group dynamics into silliness. I've got three now who get along like gangbusters, with all of us having other people we RP well with but not necessarily all of us RPing well with the others' other people. THAT SENTENCE TOTALLY MADE SENSE, I swear. Though there aren't any major frictions yet, which is nice.

[kindascary.livejournal.com]

Nah I gotcha. Makes sense to me. It does get harder the more people you add. I'm envious you were able to find even three. I haven't found more than one here, one there... it's frustrating because the one-on-one is so good but unless the both of us play a zillion other characters the interactions don't go anywhere else. And Doctor/Master especially is very insular, but it tends to touch a lot of people around them like some sort of fungus. So it's like playing in a box or something, for me. I'd imagine getting the right balance for that pairing would be extremely tricky for anyone. :/

[mind-the-tardis.livejournal.com]

I am really lucky. Enormously, fantastically lucky. My main RP partner plays Ten to my Master and...she's fantastic. For me. I think she wouldn't mesh with a lot of Masters, but she works with the way I write mine.

Have you tried playing private RP threads where you write other characters into the narration, as well? Or picking up other character journals to throw into threads that you're playing with writers you like, so two of you can play more than two people? I chatplay a lot; it's always one-on-one, and usually one-character-to-one-character interaction, but we hop around in who we're playing often. I main the Master, but if the scene calls for Martha or Ianto or...hell, Gene Hunt, I write for them when they're needed, or my partner does. We slip pretty fluidly between characters, adding in originals, too. This is all harder to do in actual threads, but it might be workable there, too.

Actually, I tend to use chatplay to do a lot of filling in around threads. It's good for quick interaction and trying out new scenarios and characters, if a thread's missed something or given me new ideas I want to look at fast.

[syncopath]

You know... /shifty eyes/ I've really only tried prp once or twice. I really should try it again, and do some of the things you suggested. Since even though I do prefer panfandom and large pools of players eventually I end up doing much better with the one-on-one.

Finding a good Doctor can be so hard! People tend to drop them left and right, for one thing. And then finding one that is on the same page, as you said. I suppose they say the same things about Masters though ;)

[mind-the-tardis.livejournal.com]

I do not know this acronym! What does it mean? Private RP?

I tend to see comms/dear_mun/etc. as a way to find good individual players, sort of. Usually my most rewarding threads are slow one-on-one once-offs, aside from the ongoing worldbuilding (and self-indulgent repetition) I get up to with my main partner, most of it in chatplay. Chatplay is...it's sort of where I get the knee-jerk feel for a character. When I get used to writing their responses quickly, in short snippets, I think it helps me come to threads with a rounded understanding of who I'm dealing with. It gives me a lot of range to work with. Also, chatplay is *easy.* It does eat time like a bastard, though.

I know one other Ten I really recommend—:doctor_of_time. The writer is a very slow tagger, and she writes her Ten as less hyper and a bit more considerate than I write mine (who's...got the drums and wears Nine's clothes still and is a very odd man), but she really puts a lot of thought into him. And she slashes. She threads with me some; I don't know if she's in the market for multiple Masters, but you could try her? Or read some of her threads and see if her Doctor-writing interests you.

Hi, I recommend stalking my friends. >_> I am super-cool.

[kindascary.livejournal.com]

Yeah, private RP. I probably made it up, so that explains that ;)

I've never done chatplay but it seems kind of ... harrowing to me, not easy x/ Is that ... what is it, RPing via IM? People have asked me for that in the past but it seems like so much immediate pressure. I'm a pretty slow tagger myself, you see, and I like to write nice long, thought-out responses. It usually drives my partners mad I think.

I know a Ten and an Eleven who are still willing to play with me and are on the same page, so that's not a huge problem for me... but I will check her out because I always enjoy reading castmate stuff anyhow, thanks <3<3

God I am currently starting to feel very effing unwelcome in the game now. Castmates begging out of playing with me, players of invulnerable types infomoding and trying to pick fights and then walking away when they can't pwn my character, etc. /sob

[mind-the-tardis.livejournal.com]

Yep, it's via AIM. It's harrowing at first. Then you learn to do shorthand (or, well, I did—I'm sure it's not a form everyone can take to equally), and leave out a lot of the description that comes with proper thread-tagging. It pares character-writing down. It's not great for crafting fully-developed scenes, but it works well, for me, for quick RP fixes, and the speed lets me get a lot of emotional feedback out of a scene. With a thread, I can lose momentum and have to search for the throughline every time I come back to it—reorient myself to where the character should be. With chatplay, that rarely happens. It's very immediate, and more difficult to distance oneself from (again, for me, maybe not for others)—I've killed characters or played strongly emotive scenarios and ended up in tears. Which sounds mad. But it can be a lot of fun.

Threading has more in common with fic-writing than chatplay, I think. Chatplay is like a private conversation with a friend, full of in-jokes and shortcuts. Threading is more like a public debate—I want to spell it all out and make it look good, in case anyone's looking.

Hell, I ramble at you. I don't get a chance to talk RP much. Sorry!

Are they people you enjoy playing with? I find the people who threaddrop with me are usually people I'm not clicking with well to begin with. Or they're getting distracted by CR-heavy threads elsewhere they're keeping up with and are deprioritizing other threads. But that sucks, regardless :| And I hate players taking advantage of rules against death/injury by pressing in ways that mean the character I'm playing has to act absurd and OOC to avoid breaking those rules. And invulnerability. Meh. No character should be invulnerable, in my opinion.

[syncopath]

Mmm, but I LIKE the writing aspect of RP most of all. I think it's why I clash with so many people in games, because I just want to tell a story and they ... well, I have no idea what they want but a lot of the time it seems to be making their character happy or something? x/

Still, it sounds interesting and worth trying. I'll try anything once.

Don't worry about the rambling. I don't get to talk RP much anymore with people either so I'm enjoying this.

Actually... no, they're not. But I mean come on, I can't ever interact with certain castmates now? That takes out so much of the fun of playing in a particular game. And I hate that within a week of joining a place I already have to make lists of players to avoid. It just sucks all around. But I guess this is part of the fallout of just randomly tagging around... sifting out the ones who don't click so well and keeping those who do. I just wish a castmate hadn't been one of them. :P

No character really IS invulnerable, but it seems like a lot of people in this game have picked up ones that are incredibly hard to even get to, let alone injure. And then they'll react incredibly harshly to really innocuous stuff, taunt to their hearts' content, and if I don't make mine rise to the bait or cower in fear they just... walk off after a handful of tags. Insanely disappointing, since there are so many things that could happen from an initial meeting that to have it be like "I'M ALL POWERFUL LET'S FIGHT WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO FIGHT LATER PUSSY" is so laughably two-dimensional it makes me want to cry just observing it.

[mind-the-tardis.livejournal.com]

It really does seem to be making their character happy half the time. Whereas, I see RP as a chance to play with conflict. Real life doesn't afford much chance to explore conflict safely and in highly charged ways. RP does. And if characters keep dodging all conflicts and tensions, I rapidly lose interest in tagging to them.

Eh, chatplay. I think it happens when it happens. It's not something I mean to do, so much. I slip into it. I AIM someone about an ongoing thread, and then we end up playing out another way it could go, and, voila, we have been chatplaying. Enormous time waster.

I was making a list of characters to avoid within hours of joining TLV. And, yeah, having a castmate not click with you sucks. It's one of the reasons I don't agree with no-duplicate rules. If more than one of a character was allowed into comms, there'd be a chance for people to find castmate players they worked better with. And, yes, then there'd be politics and favorites, but there are anyway.

"I'M ALL POWERFUL LET'S FIGHT WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO FIGHT LATER PUSSY" is so laughably two-dimensional it makes me want to cry just observing it.

...Ouch. Yeah. I would feel the same way.

[kindascary.livejournal.com]

I'm definitely not into having my characters sit around and build a little life for themselves. I want action and adventure and high drama, not the ickle boo-hoo relationship kind but like, epic world-crushing dramas. Again, not great for a jamjar x/

Yeah, that's a bad sign when you find problems in a game so soon. Usually I make it a few months before something hideous rears its head, but this time around it's weird. I've been there a week and a half and I'm already seeing all these flashing warning lights. Maybe it's a sign of being older and wiser.

Or paranoia.

Allowing dupe/AU versions makes a lot more sense to me too. At least the castmate who matters most to the Master in Micro is brill and wonderful and I love the player to pieces. But yeah, it is so tough when you love a certain character or ship with them and then you get to a game where that character is all but off-limits due to some OOC reason.

...Ouch. Yeah. I would feel the same way.

The funny thing is I'm annoyed with it and I play Wastey... who is like insanely combative and arrogant. And even I think these players/characters are a little overboard.

I dunno, I hate being genre-ist or anything but it seems to be a problem most often associated with anime/video game characters. They're often so ridiculously over-powered in the first place and oftentimes the stories are all "fight fight fight taunt taunt taunt fight". Definitely not limited to them-- it's just a pattern I've noticed.

[mind-the-tardis.livejournal.com]

I have the same experience with anime/video game characters—it's not true of all of either genre, but it seems like a lot of the time the characters are over-the-top caricatures, and only really work in their own world, which supports that. They tend to come with scads of superpowers and tragic backstories and lineages and titles and extreme-to-the-point-of-farcical emotional reactions. Again, not all of either genre, and there are just as many players who play TV/film/novel characters flat or over-the-top, but, yeah. They seem to be of a different storytelling world half the time. In the way, say, a sitcom character and a drama character seem from different worlds. Meshing can be a bastard.

Eh, I like relationship- and world-building, as well, and it seems more suited to LJ RP, which moves at an erratic pace and rarely develops full storylines. But I like it to not be all hearts and roses. Real relationships—even real, normal day-to-day life—are difficult. They hurt, or ridiculous things happen when they aren't supposed to, or True Love falls apart or goes odd places. I'll play large or small, earth-shattering or slice-of-life, as long as it doesn't feel like...hm. Like I'm not learning anything from it.

[atraphoenix.livejournal.com]

Well, if you ever decide to give private RP another shot, you know where to find me. I don't think there is a magic formula for it. It's just luck and perseverance.

[kindascary.livejournal.com]

Maybe that's all it is... but sometimes I see patterns for myself. Which just makes me wonder if the perseverance is worth it.

Oh, we can private RP any time; I'm not opposed to it by any means, especially with you. <3<3 But I've found while doing private RP that it's just not enough to curb my jonesing for RP altogether. That's more what I meant.

[atraphoenix.livejournal.com]

It probably won't seem worth it until it pays off. But it will be.

[kindascary.livejournal.com]

Well, I've already met many awesome RPers so it's already been worth it in some respects. <3<3 They're just not all in the same place, sadly.

[notcrazy-honest.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean. I love panfandom, but I play in order to develop my character and to see how everyone bounces off each other. And I always play people who really amp up the drama and action- I've always tended toward very-much villains or toward survival horror characters....people who DEAL with a lot and are sort of meant for the 'harder' storylines. And I hate it when I pull in one of those characters, I start an actual plot, and....everyone else just wants parties.

It's just a different style of RP, and I can accept that. But I do wonder where the panfandom games are that actually allow for freeform plots that AREN'T just "oh, this weird thing happened last week but it's all back to normal now". I used to do a lot of big, life-changing plots, and I miss it.

By the way, if you ever do want to do something like that, as a private RP- or even if you find a good RP that allows for that sort of thing- let me know? I really liked your Master, and I'm sorry I didn't end up getting to play with him at all. I've had a huge RP slump the past few months, partially because of this problem-- mostly thanks to health stuff, though, and that's getting better. I'll let you know if I come across anything promising.

[kindascary.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I always want to start a game just so there CAN be another one out there but they're so much work. I have been told Beyond the Rift is a good freeform game and I think I may eventually app the Master over there, but I am a little intimidated by it. Especially the "you must tag at least one goodly paragraph" rule.

Lately I've noticed that even the people who pick up villains or darker characters, it seems like they always pick up the ones who are near-invulnerable, and it just gets so boring. If nothing can happen to your character, and you can never get them to a place of vulnerability, where's the conflict?

Thank you! I'm sad we didn't get to play either :/ But if I find something awesome, I'll let you know :) And private rp is always an option!

[notcrazy-honest.livejournal.com]

Oh, no kidding. I tried putting together a game once, something that was supposed to be nice and informal, and...wow, that was a lot of work. I'll check out this Beyond the Rift thing! The paragraph rule doesn't sound too bad, but it also sounds like something to get easily paranoid over. I mean, how does one decide what's a goodly paragraph? What if you don't necessarily need something long?

Ohhh yeah. Believe me, I understand. And actually, one of the characters I play has a ridiculous amount of powers like that (*hangs head*), but I do my absolute best to get him into vulnerable situations so people DON'T feel like there's nothing that can happen, because I like conflict. (It's just really hard to get across "No really, it's okay if you smash his face in," at the right time, since nobody expects I'll really WANT him to face consequences for his actions.) I don't really see the point of playing a villain if you're NOT taking advantage of all those differences in the story to help move it along. (I guess I've got to keep in mind that not everyone is playing for the story, even if I don't quite understand that.)

That sounds great! And yeah, private RP is always a possibility. :3 Maybe if we collect enough really good RPers, we could throw them all in a comm and it'd work itself out. XD