are slipknot nu-metal? i don't even know and i'm too lazy to look.

somebody needs to come up with a knitting-themed nu-metal band called Slip-Slip-Knit. the members can all wear crocheted beard caps and the song lyrics can be textiles-based. and the special effects will include a troupe of speedknitters that will finish a scarf going three times around the entire audience by the time the set is finished. and then set it on fire.

c'mon guys, you know this needs to happen.

the valley of the paper dolls. actually, i like that.

for whatever reason i just decided to read the blog of some random chick i used to go to middle and high school with. she was one of the moderately popular and interesting, and not a total bitch mind you. and a few years ago kind of out of the blue she happened to dis me in passing while in conversation with someone else, and because i hear LIKE A BAT of course i caught wind of it. and.

i was going somewhere with this, but i'm not sure where. suffice to say her blog is one of the most boring things i've ever read. and it makes me more sad than anything, but it seems to be the way of people from That Place. they just get sucked into it and never leave, and then they turn into the boring old people they never thought they'd turn into, like some sort of longstanding family curse. she writes with this banal, self-important air that i remember indulging myself in when i was 12 years old. she talks about how to get discounts at restaurants. i feel like i've just gotten a glimpse into what could have been my future, if i'd been bred to be content, told i was okay just the way i was, liked right off the bat. instead of, you know, being kicked around emotionally like some sort of sad little ball of trash. maybe a crumpled-up love note on the back of a napkin, tossed when someone lost their nerve or lost their direction, deciding it ultimately wasn't worth it, or i don't know.

and maybe i'm not seeing the full richness of her ultra-exciting life via a simple blog, but i just don't know. when you're young you just think you're going to do so much, right? and when i was back there nobody had these crazy dreams, it seemed. at least nobody shared them with me, nobody hinted it was anything more than popularity from beginning to end, just scraping by to get the grades, kicking others out of the way to climb to the top of the honors list. even cheating to get there. and for what? everyone's getting married now, getting excited about buying houses and having children and it always seems too soon, it seems like a let-down after everything we were told we could be growing up. god, it's like at the end of mona lisa smile except it's the entire class.

where is everybody?

i don't really feel vindicated because nobody deserves the sterile hell that she appears to have sunk into. i just... feel like i went to school with a bunch of paper dolls, in the valley of the paper dolls, and i'm lucky to have escaped with my individuality intact. and it's a strange, haunting feeling, looking back on the past like that and seeing how very little has changed and nothing has grown. i'm not sure i can express it any more eloquently than that.