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i rather uncharacteristically haven't mentioned it much, but i'm at a pretty low place right now. i've been living off my savings for about three months and finding a job around here is apparently impossible. i feel drastically underqualified for everything i apply for, plan to do, want to do, and wish i were doing. i can't even say the solution would be to crawl back to some degree somewhere because i seem to have also picked up an unequivocal distaste for structure at the moment.
i've been trying to throw myself into my art and volunteering and job applications, i try to stay positive, and i have someone else's income to depend on if need be, but i'm not sure how long i can be in limbo like this without cracking.
the feeling has been getting stronger every day that there just is no place for me to exist in this world. i wish i could say i felt otherwise, and that i could quit dwelling on this feeling and set to work carving out a new place with some modicum of productivity, but instead i just sort of feel like i did when i was fifteen: bored and unwilling to get my sluggish limbs to move. in consumption mode instead of creation.
i think it would help if i could just see some direction. it's like i'm stuck on a foggy road in the middle of nowhere and i can't even figure out where i am anymore.
i've been trying to throw myself into my art and volunteering and job applications, i try to stay positive, and i have someone else's income to depend on if need be, but i'm not sure how long i can be in limbo like this without cracking.
the feeling has been getting stronger every day that there just is no place for me to exist in this world. i wish i could say i felt otherwise, and that i could quit dwelling on this feeling and set to work carving out a new place with some modicum of productivity, but instead i just sort of feel like i did when i was fifteen: bored and unwilling to get my sluggish limbs to move. in consumption mode instead of creation.
i think it would help if i could just see some direction. it's like i'm stuck on a foggy road in the middle of nowhere and i can't even figure out where i am anymore.