ans99: (drama)
So I haven't been making any real LJ entries in some time, and I'm not really planning on making any more real LJ entries, because I've determined that only one or two people even seem to notice I've said anything here. And this is not a complaint, merely a notice that only one or two people are even going to read anyway, but I think it's about time I closed this thing up.

And I hate saying this knowing how many years I've been here (since 2001!) and how things were very very different in the past, when I felt more of a connection to so many of you and you know, that I wasn't such a ghost here I guess. When I felt what I said was interesting and mattered. But I haven't felt that way in quite some time. I guess it's the trend of the internet, or maybe I wasn't very good at keeping up with any of you, or I don't even know. It's not even so much that I feel I haven't been interesting-- this year I've produced some of the most interesting stuff of my life. I have a band now, and an album, and I'm starting to put a business together to sell my drawings and photographs, and those things are HUGE to me. Maybe not to you.

I have other journals, mainly for RP and fic, so I'm not leaving LJ forever. And I do want to keep some people here on my list so that I can keep up with your lives because as far as I know you aren't anywhere else with any regularity. So I guess not much is even changing. But if you're hanging on to my name in your friends list there's really no reason to pretend anymore. I give up. If you still want me to read your entries keep me on, but I won't be making any more and I'll probably be dropping a fair amount off my own reading list, because it's been at the point I can't keep up for several years now. And I don't think it's fair keeping up with some of you when my comments and posts go ignored. *shrug*

I don't like leaving on such a bitter, nothing note, but I feel sort of bitter and nothing today so I suppose it fits.

In closing, just so at least this entry can't be ignored:

GOODBYE LIVEJOURNAL!

Heh. Nobody ever said I wasn't a complete child.
ans99: (drama)
I feel like I haven't updated in a while and I guess I have a lot to say, although none of it is really all that good past about a month ago. So, fair warning that there is a whinefest ahead.

In fact the only really good thing I can think of is that music has been somewhat progressing. Although not the speed I'd prefer. We did an open mic back at the end of March that was .... thrilling. Successful. Everything I wanted from it we got. We networked, we didn't screw up, people loved the song. I had really high hopes.

BUT THEN: The first time I tripped )

So after that I just gave up on the codeine. That's my funny illness story. What's not so funny about that illness is that it took me two weeks to feel halfway normal, and even then I just barely got my singing range back last week. So, no open mics for us since.

The second time I tripped (not as funny) )

Oh but the news gets much worse.

and the consequential fallout )

So now I guess I'm fired from my part-time art teaching job, which I loved, and I feel like this is thinly veiled discrimination. Not sure what to do next. Part of me just wants to say screw it because it's not nearly the only problem going on in my life right now, and everything is slowly spiralling down the drain and I'm almost ready to say seriously that I want off this ride.

I don't even have a therapist anymore guys. Not to mention that the roleplay game I was enjoying so much issued me a reprimand on my birthday because someone apparently has it out for me and made up some bogus complaints that don't even make sense. And now with those three safe havens gone I sort of feel like I have nowhere to go. Doesn't help that I've been going crazier than usual and really need these things much more than I might have at another time. I dunno. Feels like everything is abandoning me the instant I find happiness with it. Maybe the universe just doesn't want me to be happy.

Sorry for the moping, lj but I'm sure the three of you that might read through all this will forgive me :/
ans99: (cute)


so here's our new kitty. she's a firecracker, just a year old, and her name is kitsune. i knew the first time i held her what her name would be, and even though we "auditioned" six or so cats on sunday she was the obvious one. loves to be petted, this cat. ye gods, she'll hit her head against anything trying to get a head rub out of it. including a metal file cabinet. yeech.

more pictures )
the only problem we've run into thus far is that she's way too interested in wilson. so interested, in fact, that we went to watch battlestar galactica for 40 minutes in ken's room and when we came out she'd reached into the rat cage with her paw as far as she could and wilson was just cowering in his house. i guess some rats nip cats, but wilson is apparently far too polite. we squirted her with vinegar twice and she jumped down. we're moving his cage to our bedroom and making it off limits to cats tonight. it's a shame. i'm with wilson right now, in my art room with the door closed, and he is so upset and i feel awful.

i realize i haven't been keeping you all abreast of my animals. that's in part because something happened this weekend that made me feel like a total jerk.

basically we decided dot and dash were far too sick to introduce to wilson, and in fact far too sick to have ever been adopted out in the first place. so we returned them. the waiting room was awful. there was this old couple that came in with their two (or more? i only saw two carriers at the least) cats, and the lady at the front desk basically said 'we have no space for these cats.' i was silently pleading the whole time that they wouldn't just leave them there to be possibly euth'ed anyway, and finally the old couple took the cats away to be brought back at a later date. i'm surprised they weren't directed to another shelter, actually.

the thing is, we did something we shouldn't have done and we adopted rats that were on vet check. someone had seen them "sneezing blood"-- we had no idea what myco was at the time because it just doesn't come up in conversation with friends, seeing as none of them own rats. and i've only dealt with lab rats, which are usually myco-free. so we thought nothing of it, and took them after the swiftest vet check ever. we should have waited, because the entire time with us they kept getting sicker. we waited a week, and then we returned them. if it had been stress i would have expected constant improvement as they adjusted, not one rat already sick then the other.

it's another shame, because i really liked them. it's just we felt they were too big a risk to him in their debilitated state. i'd get them in an instant, again, once they were better and fully checked out and monitored in a stable environment. i guess we'll keep an eye out and see.

we're still going to get wilson a companion, because there is no way in hell he could possibly be myco-free. we carry it in our nasal passages and he's no longer in a barrier facility. so we're going to get back to the shelter, or get in touch with a rat adoption agency, and try again. maybe with buddies he'll toughen up and nip that cat. we'll see, i guess. i hope we find him a suitable buddy soon.

in other news, what have i been up to... hm. the diet is running me ragged and i'm not getting enough sleep, so i haven't really lost anything yet but i feel tired and hungry all the time. last weekend alan and adrienne showed us grand hotel, the movie with the line "i want to be alone." it was pretty funny, unintentionally, and it was telling that even with a murder and attempted suicide, the most disturbing thing for us was not knowing what happened to the deceased's schnauzer. that and the pasted-in-after-the-fact overly dramatic closeups of greta garbo. i want to hang out with them again soon, because it was a really good time. and i want to see more old movies!

i think i did more but i'm so tired i have no idea what it was. time for bed.

i hope kitsune can find the litter box tonight.

EPIC FAIL

Jun. 5th, 2009 08:59 pm
ans99: (drama)
since twitter is down for maintenance, you all will get the gem of the hour i was planning on posting there:

came into the middle of a st:tng episode and therefore currently trying to figure out why riker made troi cry. posted 29 minutes ago via web

in other news, today i had an adam savage moment (read: failed majorly) while trying to make my "mount the curb" shirt. basically it's a case of MAH SCREEN IS TOO BIG" and it doesn't fit on the multicolor press frames (or any frame really), therefore making it impossible to line up colors effectively. now the craft center will be closed for two weeks, which gives me enough time to try to buy some smaller screens and try again. one for each color this time. there's a damn reason it's done this way.

so my shirt will have to wait til the end of the month. this makes me sad. it'll get done, but i was really hoping it would be as easy as it was the first time, when i did a proof on paper and it came out brilliant. the instant i tried putting it on the shirt, of course, is when it failed. basically the ink dried in the holes of the screen, gumming it up. and by that time also i couldn't line up by looking through the screen because there was too much damn ink on it :( i spent the next 45 minutes trying to wash the screen out-- this was after the craft center was officially closed, by the way. ugh.

i pretty much just wanted to crawl into a hole and die at the end of that, i felt like such an asshole for wasting everyone's time. what is the worst about it is how long it took, and all for naught. i worked so hard to get it done by tonight and it just didn't happen. i even came in yesterday and tried to do it then, but there was a class all evening. yes, the last week and the day before closing, a class. that is not supposed to happen! so i made the screen but that was all i could do. and i was in such a rush i made the screen in a non-helpful way, which really made things extra difficult today.

but i learned something, didn't i. ugh.

1) must get rid of this screen. maybe i can reclaim the screen part, restretch it onto smaller frames, and ditch the big frame, or come up with some other use for it...

2) plan better. the frame was too big but it would have worked if i'd just measured first.

3) don't wait til the last minute. if it is almost closing and i run into a problem i should quit rather than rant for like an hour and make everyone upset with me and get upset with everyone. it's not worth making a fuss over, it's just a shirt i got for 5 bucks and a screen made with free emulsion/uv and squeegeed with free paint. and there is always next quarter.

at least i can take solace in the fact that, judging by this episode, really i'm no more emotional and self-ignorant than someone on star trek. god, counselor troi is so dense for an empath, it's incredible. it's like watching someone who got chauffeured around her whole life having to learn how to drive a stinky bus. at 40. i just can't relate.
ans99: (medikul mystereez)
so at our most recent session i mentioned to my therapist how i'm apparently a social retard, even if i abstractly "get" lots of things, including how people generally work-- i just miss these little cues, say the wrong things, don't anticipate the reactions i get, etc. don't relate to "the common man" or something. she thought that was tragic, since according to her i would probably get a 160 or higher if i ever took an iq test. she has this really... flattering impression of how smart and talented i'm supposed to be, which is nice but constantly makes me feel like a fraud.

the funny thing is that after all that, she's like "oh i know what book you'll like." and she goes to her shelf and hands me something by temple grandin about autism.

i don't know what to think about this. i just keep remembering the episode of house m.d. where he connected with the kid who had autism, and everyone thought maybe house was autistic. until one character (wilson) basically blurted out with "no, you're not autistic. you're just an ass."

sorry peoples, i can't hide behind autism. i'm just an ass.
ans99: (wtf)
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.....
the lady that plays the boss (liquid terminator) was on late night talk craig colbourn? about a week ago infering she was out of a job and heading back to scotland.


from here.

srsly?

guyz. do you realize we live in a world where there are some kids who have no idea who shirley manson is anymore?

i'm not so sure i want to live in this world.

also, "Garbage's Shirley Manson plays urinal in 'Terminator' TV show" is undoubtedly the best headline one could ever come up with pertaining to this subject.
ans99: (hott)
so tonight we rewatched the easter doctor who special (planet of the dead) with mario, and watching it a second time, yes, really brought out all the flaws. god the writing was horrific. that's all i'm going to say about it though, because i know that some people actually care about doctor who spoilers still.

then we watched saw V, and i have to say it's probably the worst one with the best scene.

cut for pansies )

that's the only good thing i really have to say about saw V. they didn't even have a crappy music video in the special features. :( what's with that?
ans99: (drama)
it seems fairly ironic that ken and i just got back home after seeing "watchmen," a movie largely focusing on dealings with the criminal element, to find that someone made off with two of the goat/sheep skulls sitting on our front porch.

while i figure this was probably inevitable, i do have to wonder who would take 2/3 skulls from someone's front porch. obviously enough of an asshole to be of the mind to go "oh hey i like this thing someone else has so i'm just going to take it." enough of a scary asshole to not only take something right off of someone's front porch but apparently get close enough to scope the place first (the skulls are not very noticeable from the street or sidewalk). enough of a bizarre scary asshole to take NOTHING else, of any value (there's yard tools in the backyard and the garage, housing our bikes, was unlocked). not enough of an asshole to not see the inherent cool value of a skull, because they apparently refrained from smashing it anywhere near the house and did not disturb anything else breakable that i can see. a lucky bizarre scary asshole to have come by while we were gone, for the space of just three hours.

i just can't figure out who'd do this. are there any satanic rituals happening tonight in davis? wtf.

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