ans99: (drama)
I feel like I haven't updated in a while and I guess I have a lot to say, although none of it is really all that good past about a month ago. So, fair warning that there is a whinefest ahead.

In fact the only really good thing I can think of is that music has been somewhat progressing. Although not the speed I'd prefer. We did an open mic back at the end of March that was .... thrilling. Successful. Everything I wanted from it we got. We networked, we didn't screw up, people loved the song. I had really high hopes.

BUT THEN: The first time I tripped )

So after that I just gave up on the codeine. That's my funny illness story. What's not so funny about that illness is that it took me two weeks to feel halfway normal, and even then I just barely got my singing range back last week. So, no open mics for us since.

The second time I tripped (not as funny) )

Oh but the news gets much worse.

and the consequential fallout )

So now I guess I'm fired from my part-time art teaching job, which I loved, and I feel like this is thinly veiled discrimination. Not sure what to do next. Part of me just wants to say screw it because it's not nearly the only problem going on in my life right now, and everything is slowly spiralling down the drain and I'm almost ready to say seriously that I want off this ride.

I don't even have a therapist anymore guys. Not to mention that the roleplay game I was enjoying so much issued me a reprimand on my birthday because someone apparently has it out for me and made up some bogus complaints that don't even make sense. And now with those three safe havens gone I sort of feel like I have nowhere to go. Doesn't help that I've been going crazier than usual and really need these things much more than I might have at another time. I dunno. Feels like everything is abandoning me the instant I find happiness with it. Maybe the universe just doesn't want me to be happy.

Sorry for the moping, lj but I'm sure the three of you that might read through all this will forgive me :/
ans99: (khef)
you know what?

i love you guys.

really and truly, i do.

even some of you who aren't reading this.

me being drunk right now has absolutely nothing to do with it i promise.
ans99: (Default)
http://news.livejournal.com/117957.html

awesome.

i saw a lot of boxes on entries yesterday so please make sure you weren't affected by this.
ans99: (hott)
so tonight we rewatched the easter doctor who special (planet of the dead) with mario, and watching it a second time, yes, really brought out all the flaws. god the writing was horrific. that's all i'm going to say about it though, because i know that some people actually care about doctor who spoilers still.

then we watched saw V, and i have to say it's probably the worst one with the best scene.

cut for pansies )

that's the only good thing i really have to say about saw V. they didn't even have a crappy music video in the special features. :( what's with that?
ans99: (flerpy derpy doo)
several things i've observed in the past few days:

1. nick cave is a total drama queen.

2. i think aaron eckhart looks ten shades sexier in his two-face makeup. also, i'm aware i'm the only one in the universe who thinks that, and that it probably easily lumps me in the "psychologically ill" category, but there you go.

3. peaches is sort of female trent reznor, in heat.

wilson's slowly adapting, i think, to life without house. i'm firmly in the denial stage, however, and i keep expecting him to be there when i open their cage. it's a pretty harsh reality check i keep smacking myself with.
ans99: (khef)
because i'm pretty sure i've done this meme before. oh well. i'm supposed to tag some of you but i think everyone who would have done this has done it. so do it if you want to, i guess.


1. i've been fully cognizant of my bisexuality for a decade and still i have never kissed a girl.

2. generally, i feel more of a rapport with animals than people.

3. i have never been burned by a flame but i have such an intense fear of fire that it's taken me until last year to feel comfortable even lighting a match. conversely, i have been sliced open by numerous metal objects in my lifetime and feel perfectly comfortable around knives.

4. i have not knowingly eaten beef since i did a research paper on mad cow disease during my college days.

5. male suffering really turns me on. sorry guys.

6. for a short time in my youth i took dance and gymnastics classes. i quit gymnastics because i got some sort of pseudo-feminism going on and didn't like feeling like they were trying to get me to contort into a specific body image/feminine ideal-- and that i was failing miserably at it.

7. i'm a chronically late person and have been for as long as i can remember.

8. artistic inspiration is why i inevitably give the world one more chance. it's also why i love teaching. people just come up with the most amazing ideas sometimes, and it's all i can do to wonder why i never thought of them because they're just so obvious and wonderful and brilliant.

9. my high school friends and i used to pretend we were the beatles. i was john.

10. in middle school these same friends and i used to hide out in the art room during lunchtime so we wouldn't have to deal with any of the other students harassing us. i suppose in a way we formed our own reactive clique.

11. the reason i started photographing things was due to my fascination that you could print a memory. because of this i find it almost unbearably difficult to throw any of them away.

12. http://thedreamatists.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/dalis-dream-of-a-virgin.jpg
this is my favorite dali painting. sometimes i like to tell people he painted it for me.

13. some of the best times of my life were spent sneaking away from college for the weekend, taking a bus alone to nyc and spending that weekend with this guy i barely knew. i've never been able to see the city in the same way since, so i've always been disappointed when i've returned there.

14. i have not seen most of my extended family in a Very Long Time. there's no obvious tension, we're all just horrible at correspondence.

15. i was an avid reader as a child-- i mean like, i'd get multiple BOXES of 'em from scholastic. by the time i was in second grade they were giving me "special" spelling tests because the regular ones were too easy for me. i remember quibbling with the teacher over the correct spelling of "moustache" (she insisted it only "mustache" was acceptable until we checked the dictionary together)

16. i'm now a blue belt in kempo karate but i have a ridiculously low pain tolerance so i'm still pretty much useless at defending myself.

17. i worked on a dairy farm for a summer, and so i'm privileged enough to know the unbeatable feeling of a cow crapping on your head.

18. just about every night i have really vivid, horrifyingly fascinating dreams that could easily be horror/sci-fi b-movie plots. as a rule i'm usually left shaken from these dreams for the rest of the day.

19. when i encounter incompetence from the world i automatically want to kill myself.

20. i almost got a gig in high school doing english as a second language instructional audio tapes for i think hispanic students. i got all the way into the studio for recording before they decided i made too many "mouth noises"-- clicks and such like when you open your mouth to start talking and your tongue unsticks from the roof and so on. anyway the guy canned me right then and there. now when i hear all the voice personalities on the radio i go crazy pointing out all the mouth noises i hear. jerks.

21. i check the ceilings wherever i'm eating because i'm paranoid that a bug is going to fall from it and into my food. this is based on a true story from my childhood, where i was at a food court with a friend and a very giant, very dead hornet plummeted from above and landed smack in the middle of our table.

22. i'm so argumentative that i once wrote a five-page appeal for a parking ticket. whether they're still reading it, decided it wasn't worth it, lost my paperwork, decided that if i lost i might come after them with a shotgun, or lost track of me once i moved i'm not sure-- but i never heard from the
parking people again.

23. i have a hard time hiding my true emotions. they're written right across my face at all times, and this has gotten me into trouble time and time again.

24. all of the animals i own right now were laboratory rescues. two of them, my rats, are from my own behavioral experiment.

25. i co-starred in some doctor who fan films written and produced by james a few years ago.
ans99: (flerpy derpy doo)
i love you over the rhine, but let's face it-- you've got issues. <3

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October 2013

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