ans99: (Default)
I feel like my internet presence has been disjointed and confusing, so I've been trying to merge more things together. I'm going to run down a list of things I have to make it easier to follow what I've been up to. For those who have been playing the game to win, this list will (mostly) seem a bit redundant:

1. MUSIC

First off, my new band's sites. We've just bought a domain name:

http://www.neverrightnow.com

which right now just redirects to our BandCamp site:

http://neverrightnow.bandcamp.com

The BandCamp site has better quality streams of our music, and you can also download the songs we have up there (and when we have an album, it'll be available for download/purchase there).

We've also got a Myspace at:

http://myspace.com/neverrightnow

where we'll be posting songs and gigs (when we have 'em) and where you can friend us if you have a Myspace.

You can also become a fan of Never Right Now on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Never-Right-Now/326417010926?ref=ts

For good measure we'll be uploading our songs and announcing gigs here as well. There's also the added community aspect of Facebook, because we get to post discussions and links, which I find so super neat.

We hope to get up an actual site soon at our new domain, with lyrics and bio/press kit stuff and blog links and such. In the works: a blog (probably Wordpress, Twitter, a spot at ReverbNation, and (once we begin to amass some video content), YouTube.

2. ART IN GENERAL

My nifty-difty (it's a word now that I've typed it) art blog is at:

http://ans99.wordpress.com/

And there is an LJ feed located at:

http://hieratic_art.livejournal.com

Here I'll post my photos, drawings, fanvids, writing, and of course any developments in the band or music in general. It's DEFINITELY worth following if you like what I do at all, because it'll probably all get mentioned and then linked from there.

I've also got Hieratic updates being crossposted automatically to Twitter.

3. TUMBLR

My Tumblog is at:

http://ans99.tumblr.com

I used to have to ship Twitter to LJ (which is apparently an incredible social faux pas) in order to bring my Tumblr posts to my friends list. Now I've created a direct LJ feed:

http://ans99tumblr.livejournal.com/

In my personal Tumblog, I reblog and post all sorts of things 'round the Internet that make me smile, weep, get angry, and, last but not least, think. It's a nice collection of what inspires me on the 'Net, but also of interesting tidbits from sources that might not make the mainstream news. I also tend to post pertinent updates from my other blogs when I remember.

In addition, because of all the inane book covers I run across in the course of my job (which at least in part has me putting up book reviews on a website), I created an additional Tumblr mocking said book covers:

http://wtfbookcovers.tumblr.com

The LJ feed is here:

http://wtfbookcovers.livejournal.com

Some of these seriously have to be seen to be believed.

4. TWITTER

My Twitter is at:

http://twitter.com/ans99

Twitter is kind of a dumping ground and I'm scared to go there much because with my day and my rampant Internet addiction as full blown as it already is, I really cannot keep up with what kind of sandwich Adam Savage ate for lunch or what Neil Gaiman said to Amanda Palmer over the phone. So this is not used for much more than notifying any readers of Tumblr posts, and now Hieratic posts, that I've made. OCCASIONALLY I will do an actual Tweet. Also our British cell phone has texting capabilities so when I go overseas I'll probably use it again for trip updates.

I think that's it.

OH. Before I forget:

If you have a site (for art, or writing, or whatever) and you'd like to be linked from any of my sites, please let me know. I'd love to include you. I'm especially interested in rebuilding the blogroll for Hieratic. Most of the links from Digitalis will be rolled over but I know some of you might have some new stuff you want to share.

****

So in other news, today I've got some sort of eyelid swelling going on. It's burny and obnoxious, and I don't want to go out in public. I woke up this way, so I'm not sure what happened. Took some Tavist, which did NOTHING, and applied an icepack to the eye. Nothing is really beating it too well though :(

Also, all my Neko Case arrived, as well as the Doctor Who 2009 specials. The Neko Case is of course awesome, and I've been listening to it all afternoon.

But the specials artwork... ugh. Ok, First off, not enough Master! I'm rather incensed that Wilf gets the other CD for End of Time (Doctor gets the other of course). WTF. The story is about TIME LORDS. Not some doofy old person who... well, maybe that's a spoiler. But he doesn't deserve the Master's place, that's for dang sure. He just got in the way the entire story!

Also, the inside cover art for it is just entirely too melodramatic:



Give me a flippin' break.
ans99: (geekout)
Hi Live Journal (Live Journal? Really? That's how the site wants to spell itself? I'd always thought, like probably 90% of users, that it's Livejournal or LiveJournal or even good old plain old LJ, but whatevs).

Lots of things have been going on for me, and thus there has been a fair amount of change. Some of the simpler ones:

1. No more Twitter feed straight to LJ (as you could probably tell by the subject line of this post)

Yes. Hopefully, unless I fucked it up, I unsubscribed from Twittinesis. Why'd I do that? Because I now have an LJ RSS feed for my Tumblog. How I got that will be explained a little later, as it's not quite as simple but it's so damn clever it makes my teeth hurt. And yes, I do say so myself.

So yeah. If you've ever been curious about Tumblr, or want to know the awesome things I look at all day when I should be working (they really are awesome and inspiring), but can't be bothered to cart your ass off to a different website, this feed is for you: [livejournal.com profile] ans99tumblr

2. No more all-lowercase funtime extravaganza (if I can help it, and as you also probably noticed if you pay attention to that sort of thing)

And why this? I dunno. I work at a job now, I suppose, where I need to converse in normal-speak, and I also rp a fair amount of time (I log into my rp journal faaaaar far more than I ever do this thing), where if i typed like this all the time people would probably throw me out and then i'd be sad and say fuck you lj. So that's sort of prompted a habitual switch from "no caps" to "sometimes caps". But also? It just really seems to annoy some people. Enough that I was beginning to get the feeling some of them would actually refuse to read what I read at all. Yes, this is capitulating to snobbery and to the status quo in some sense, but I think it's more important to make friends at this juncture than to stubbornly stand by some half-assed philosophy I basically made up when I was 18 and typing nonsense into Microsoft Word and realizing it was correcting all of my lowercase "i"s for me. Oh the nerve of that program.

3. In addition to my Tumblr feed, say hello to my new art blog feed.

[livejournal.com profile] hieratic_art is the RSS feed to hieratic, my new WordPress blog, which replaces my old B2evo blog that recently got shat upon by spammers. I won't be updating my Livejournal regularly with art, because I still don't find it highly reliable. Plus, I'd also like to keep my whining and my art at least a little separate. Just makes things less embarrassing.

4. I may actually start writing here again.

I'm pretty busy, so we'll see how it goes, but I have felt the urge now and again to jot down some thoughts that have seemed inappropriate for hieratic (so very unprofessional), Tumblr (too many shallow connections), Facebook (family members), or Twitter (too restrictive).

We'll see, LJ. We'll see.

Now you may be asking yourselves (probably not, but maybe one of you is asking yourself this-- I've got to have faith), "Why all the RSS feeds, Freyja? And HOW?"

Wherein I am clever for once? )

Well, that's my story. If any of you are still reading, kudos and hello!
ans99: (flerpy derpy doo)
so i'm home sick today and my head keeps spinning. so of course i figure this is the perfect time to make an lj entry since i've just slept for 4.5 hours and can't really sleep anymore. can't believe it's been almost two months since i made a proper update that nobody wants to read. see sophie, next to that 5 weeks is nothin'!

only trouble is it's been so long i can't remember what i was up to... so maybe i will start with major obvious stuff and then proceed in reverse.

rats )

our vacations are so much work )

kitsune )

this weekend )

last weekend )

this is probably a long enough entry. time to take my temperature, because it's either really hot in here or i have a fever.

yes, i totally just asked if it was hot in here or if it was just me.

*intentional misspelling; long story
ans99: (hott)
remember this? this is where i objectify women in a horribly lascivious manner and post other people's portraits of them with abandon (don't worry guys, you get your turn next). anyhoo, here are hot chix #50-26 in the countdown (and for 100-76 and 75-51, click the appropriate links):

offense commence! )

EPIC FAIL

Jun. 5th, 2009 08:59 pm
ans99: (drama)
since twitter is down for maintenance, you all will get the gem of the hour i was planning on posting there:

came into the middle of a st:tng episode and therefore currently trying to figure out why riker made troi cry. posted 29 minutes ago via web

in other news, today i had an adam savage moment (read: failed majorly) while trying to make my "mount the curb" shirt. basically it's a case of MAH SCREEN IS TOO BIG" and it doesn't fit on the multicolor press frames (or any frame really), therefore making it impossible to line up colors effectively. now the craft center will be closed for two weeks, which gives me enough time to try to buy some smaller screens and try again. one for each color this time. there's a damn reason it's done this way.

so my shirt will have to wait til the end of the month. this makes me sad. it'll get done, but i was really hoping it would be as easy as it was the first time, when i did a proof on paper and it came out brilliant. the instant i tried putting it on the shirt, of course, is when it failed. basically the ink dried in the holes of the screen, gumming it up. and by that time also i couldn't line up by looking through the screen because there was too much damn ink on it :( i spent the next 45 minutes trying to wash the screen out-- this was after the craft center was officially closed, by the way. ugh.

i pretty much just wanted to crawl into a hole and die at the end of that, i felt like such an asshole for wasting everyone's time. what is the worst about it is how long it took, and all for naught. i worked so hard to get it done by tonight and it just didn't happen. i even came in yesterday and tried to do it then, but there was a class all evening. yes, the last week and the day before closing, a class. that is not supposed to happen! so i made the screen but that was all i could do. and i was in such a rush i made the screen in a non-helpful way, which really made things extra difficult today.

but i learned something, didn't i. ugh.

1) must get rid of this screen. maybe i can reclaim the screen part, restretch it onto smaller frames, and ditch the big frame, or come up with some other use for it...

2) plan better. the frame was too big but it would have worked if i'd just measured first.

3) don't wait til the last minute. if it is almost closing and i run into a problem i should quit rather than rant for like an hour and make everyone upset with me and get upset with everyone. it's not worth making a fuss over, it's just a shirt i got for 5 bucks and a screen made with free emulsion/uv and squeegeed with free paint. and there is always next quarter.

at least i can take solace in the fact that, judging by this episode, really i'm no more emotional and self-ignorant than someone on star trek. god, counselor troi is so dense for an empath, it's incredible. it's like watching someone who got chauffeured around her whole life having to learn how to drive a stinky bus. at 40. i just can't relate.
ans99: (hott)
so yeah, i was checking out someone's list of the "2009 hottest women," and i just wasn't impressed at all (first of all, it was February-- who the hell would have a list out that early? and second of all, so many of them were just T & A, or the Next Hot Thing, and it just wasn't indicative of my bizarre taste).

so i decided to make my own, and this is really more of a general list, not year-specific. it's taken me forever to get this damn list together. they're loosely ranked, but it's not like i'm the mom in sophie's choice or anything. there's a lot of reasons i find these women "hot." here's the first 25 (warning: picture-intensive!):

100-76 )

tune in next time when i continue to objectify women, bringing you #75-51! GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS
ans99: (khef)
because i'm pretty sure i've done this meme before. oh well. i'm supposed to tag some of you but i think everyone who would have done this has done it. so do it if you want to, i guess.


1. i've been fully cognizant of my bisexuality for a decade and still i have never kissed a girl.

2. generally, i feel more of a rapport with animals than people.

3. i have never been burned by a flame but i have such an intense fear of fire that it's taken me until last year to feel comfortable even lighting a match. conversely, i have been sliced open by numerous metal objects in my lifetime and feel perfectly comfortable around knives.

4. i have not knowingly eaten beef since i did a research paper on mad cow disease during my college days.

5. male suffering really turns me on. sorry guys.

6. for a short time in my youth i took dance and gymnastics classes. i quit gymnastics because i got some sort of pseudo-feminism going on and didn't like feeling like they were trying to get me to contort into a specific body image/feminine ideal-- and that i was failing miserably at it.

7. i'm a chronically late person and have been for as long as i can remember.

8. artistic inspiration is why i inevitably give the world one more chance. it's also why i love teaching. people just come up with the most amazing ideas sometimes, and it's all i can do to wonder why i never thought of them because they're just so obvious and wonderful and brilliant.

9. my high school friends and i used to pretend we were the beatles. i was john.

10. in middle school these same friends and i used to hide out in the art room during lunchtime so we wouldn't have to deal with any of the other students harassing us. i suppose in a way we formed our own reactive clique.

11. the reason i started photographing things was due to my fascination that you could print a memory. because of this i find it almost unbearably difficult to throw any of them away.

12. http://thedreamatists.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/dalis-dream-of-a-virgin.jpg
this is my favorite dali painting. sometimes i like to tell people he painted it for me.

13. some of the best times of my life were spent sneaking away from college for the weekend, taking a bus alone to nyc and spending that weekend with this guy i barely knew. i've never been able to see the city in the same way since, so i've always been disappointed when i've returned there.

14. i have not seen most of my extended family in a Very Long Time. there's no obvious tension, we're all just horrible at correspondence.

15. i was an avid reader as a child-- i mean like, i'd get multiple BOXES of 'em from scholastic. by the time i was in second grade they were giving me "special" spelling tests because the regular ones were too easy for me. i remember quibbling with the teacher over the correct spelling of "moustache" (she insisted it only "mustache" was acceptable until we checked the dictionary together)

16. i'm now a blue belt in kempo karate but i have a ridiculously low pain tolerance so i'm still pretty much useless at defending myself.

17. i worked on a dairy farm for a summer, and so i'm privileged enough to know the unbeatable feeling of a cow crapping on your head.

18. just about every night i have really vivid, horrifyingly fascinating dreams that could easily be horror/sci-fi b-movie plots. as a rule i'm usually left shaken from these dreams for the rest of the day.

19. when i encounter incompetence from the world i automatically want to kill myself.

20. i almost got a gig in high school doing english as a second language instructional audio tapes for i think hispanic students. i got all the way into the studio for recording before they decided i made too many "mouth noises"-- clicks and such like when you open your mouth to start talking and your tongue unsticks from the roof and so on. anyway the guy canned me right then and there. now when i hear all the voice personalities on the radio i go crazy pointing out all the mouth noises i hear. jerks.

21. i check the ceilings wherever i'm eating because i'm paranoid that a bug is going to fall from it and into my food. this is based on a true story from my childhood, where i was at a food court with a friend and a very giant, very dead hornet plummeted from above and landed smack in the middle of our table.

22. i'm so argumentative that i once wrote a five-page appeal for a parking ticket. whether they're still reading it, decided it wasn't worth it, lost my paperwork, decided that if i lost i might come after them with a shotgun, or lost track of me once i moved i'm not sure-- but i never heard from the
parking people again.

23. i have a hard time hiding my true emotions. they're written right across my face at all times, and this has gotten me into trouble time and time again.

24. all of the animals i own right now were laboratory rescues. two of them, my rats, are from my own behavioral experiment.

25. i co-starred in some doctor who fan films written and produced by james a few years ago.
ans99: (khef)
i spent most of new year's evefternoon cleaning my "art room," which i haven't done since i moved in. as stupid as it may sound, i'm a taurus, and i fit so many of the typical astrological personality checkboxes set up for that sign that it's quite obvious who and what i am, and where i lie on that arbitrary line. i love security, being pampered. i'm obsessed with money (particularly just enough to get me to that feeling of security) and material objects (you should see my collection of junk i've just picked up along the way of my life-- something tangible to serve as a placeholder for my memories is very important to me it seems). i get a lot of sore throats. and i love beauty. i need beautiful surroundings in order to operate to full capacity, to be inspired. and so in order to really feel "at home" and "right" i need to clean and organize.

this of course messes with my naturally cluttered nature. maybe this is why i get nothing done, or as little as possible, in my life. i could be doing so much more.

but anyway, i was cleaning and going through papers, and i happened upon a folder in my file cabinet that held all my old college syllabi, transcripts, scholarship notifications, and evaluations. first i found the ones from my first year of TAing and that familiar sense of shame and indignation washed over me. because it'd been so long since i'd last looked at these things, these little sheets of abject horror, i had been under the impression that it wasn't "as bad as i remembered." re-reading some of the things not only the students but one teacher in particular said about me-- i.e. my laziness, lack of empathy, ignorance, disorganization and inefficiency-- and then contrasting that with all the work i did and all the lesson plans i made for the discussion course i taught really made it clear to me how much i was shafted that second year of grad school in just about every way possible. no wonder i decided that it wasn't for me.

then i came across my letters of rec and course comments for my simon's rock classes and i almost cried. just about all of them really said the same thing, painted this picture of me that i just didn't understand until nearly twelve years later. "we wish she'd speak up more." "she's too serious." "she worries too much about her grades, most likely because she's trying to get into vet school." and then later on, things like "april has really blossomed." "she's written the best material in the class." and from my acting teacher, representing one branch i just entirely blew off because of fear i guess: "i hope she continues on this path."

i wish i had, lindsay. hopefully it's not too late.

this year i'm reminded of how i felt last summer, before it all came crashing down on me again in the forms of fear and obligation and worry and distraction. i feel like i'm on the brink of a new beginning. this year i resolve to no longer deny myself what i want. to not take some shitty job just because i think it's what i should be doing to occupy my time. i dare myself to, as neil gaiman wrote in my copy of american gods (thanks fluffy) and reiterated in his latest missive to his fans, "dream dangerously." to get in with the sharks, as kyle cassidy put it. to "do what i want and what i believe in," as shreve stockton said just a short time ago. she's right, by the way. these people, and many more, are all my heroes because they got out there and did what they wanted, and didn't stop to think about how to appease anyone. they just forged ahead.

for far too long in my life, i think, i assumed school was the only place i belonged, and i guess there are a lot of reasons. my parents pushed me hard gradewise. i didn't have many friends, and because i did so well in school teachers befriended me instead. schoolwork was not primarily a social thing, and i fucking excelled at it while shunning the things i really loved to do as "not a real job." intellectual property rights, combined with some sort of puritan ethic i'd picked up along the way and a sense of needing to change the world with my brain, made me nervous and reluctant to consider any form of art as a real career. i always had to be doing something "important" to be of any worth to the world, and sitting around making music all day or painting pictures or dancing just didn't count enough.

and besides all that there was a real fear that school was all i could really do well enough. in the very real, very fierce scramble to get to the top in middle and high school there was no margin for failure, no place but first in the class. therefore, in general if i tried something and initially failed at it, i gave it up. i hated playing games i knew i wouldn't win. i didn't want anyone to see that i was anything less than perfect at what i tried. i didn't want to be anything less than perfect. i remember jamie hutchinson sighing one day during an advising meeting with me and saying "i wish for once you could just let yourself get a D in something." at the time, setting my sights on vet school really did make it nearly impossible for me to understand. now i realize how little all that mattered.

i think i've rambled on enough about this. here's some other new year's resolutions:

i will )

i'm sure there's more, but i think that's a good start. note nowhere in there is "get a job." this is because i've tried that for a couple of months, with the only goal being to "get a job," and i've not had my heart in it. i keep coming back to the idea that i need to do what i love and try to craft employment out of that. when employers give you the run-around and actually lose your resume after calling about interviews the universe is trying to tell you something. luckily i have a means of financial support. the time is ripe. it's now or never.

christmas, by the way, was good. as good as can be expected, although a lot of family crap came up for me.

doings )

i also did a lot of thinking about 2003/4 compared to now, and what seems to make a lot of sense at the moment is that i grew up sort of ignored emotionally. no matter how much i complained it was laughed off, or completely disregarded, or misinterpreted in the most obtuse manner possible. so during that time when i was making a lot of lame enemies and losing a lot of new friends, i think it was one of the first times i ever was not allowed to get away with that shit. it was the first time that someone actually listened to what i was saying and, unfortunately, took it at face-value or worse. and i couldn't figure out why people were not allowing me my space to just say my piece and move on, but it was because for once what i was saying was actually affecting them. now, granted, they could have been a little less retarded about how they dealt with it, but i should have listened a little more, maybe cut them a little slack. not enough to be great friends with them, perhaps, but enough to have just let it go and realized that others can be just as sensitive as i can and that we all need to find ways to protect ourselves emotionally.

for new year's we took a cue from just about everyone else in the universe and stayed in, drank some good zinfandel, tried out the fireplace for the first time, and watched casino royale (and then later some discovery channel special on execution methods-- both of us were crushing over the same girl). i don't know what it was about 2008, but i think a great many of us just needed to rest after that soul-crushing year and just try to regain some semblance of inner peace.

hopefully that plan will last for longer than one night. happy new year. :)

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