it occurs to me, while lounging upside down on my futon, while there is a cat napping feet from my head, while several warm bodies identifiable easily enough by infrared inhabit my immediate shared space... that maybe i am too content to feel the oncoming advent of death, of forgetfulness and usefulness, and thus feel no drive to create beyond "oh yes, that would be nice to see manifest one day from my rampant imagination."
i have had several things to drink tonight, coerced ken into making me multiple batches of s'mores, and i'm watching something truly horrid on a&e. it's taking me about three times the amount of time to type this as i'm correcting mistakes i happen to catch with my analitude (which has only been honed by my job as a copy editor, but i'm sure i'm still missing tons, forgive me). but whether that's influencing my mood or not, it still stands that my life is pretty damn good right now. i don't have much to complain about. worst thing that's happened to me in a while that is actually concrete is betrayal from people i never fully trusted. worst thing that isn't concrete is the possibility i may have MS (fun!). the only reason i'm really telling the internets that i might possibly by any stretch of the imagination have MS? well, two reasons really: first, i told my coworker, and i'm sure there is some sort of law, named or unnamed, that states that once you tell a coworker anything you've basically told the world. srsly, thus it is written.
second: i'm pretty sure that the odds are all of us have the spare potential to harbor MS, so is it really that big of a reveal anyway that i may possibly have it.
and i'm sure i don't. god. if you had heard me on the piano last night you never would have believed i have recurrent tingling and numbness and loss of coordination in my left hand. it never would have even crossed your mind, because during the few hours i actually practiced piano i was possessed by the ghost of something far greater than i. and my hand was pretty okay, really. what is really going on is hard to tell. i definitely have PROBLEMS, but i don't think MS comes and goes. i have physical therapy monday. i hope it will help the situation.
what i want most of all right now is to create a) a graphic novel and b) a film / tv series.
i saw harry potter 6 today and pretty much agreed with notemily
-- everything was PREETTTY good except for a few niggling parts. like The Scene where... you know... happens. all wrong. but there were some moments in there i honestly thought must have been translated from my own brain, they were so close to what i'd expected and hoped for.
(oh shit, i figured out what the crappy thing is on a&e, by the way; it's the sopranos
this is pretty hilarious, actually.)
anyway. we're starting to try to integrate the rats into one cage, but wilson hurt himself tonight by mysteriously losing his balance and losing a nail while trying to regain it, and i barely caught him in time before he hit the floor. he's been... semi-aggressive with the youngster newcomers, but i honestly think they are being ultra-histrionic on top of it all, so i'm not really sure what is going on. i think maybe they're just too young and inexperienced to realize that this is a normal part of rat life. hopefully they will come around.
(what the hell is wrong with this show. a kid is trying to relate DNR to DNA. is this show supposed to be funny"??///)
ugh. i really want to create and stuff. it's just so hard when i'm so happy. being happy is often joked as being the antithesis to creating, but i think for most people it's true. there is just no impetus for doing anything other than existing and just drinking in the win. ugh.
oh, i'm really considering roleplay again. i will nvr tell you where. NVR